Bible News #1

joe darrq

Disclaimer: I was sitting jejely at my desk at work waiting for my lunch from TFC when the Holy Spirit dropped this idea in my head. In case you are bored then you would do well to read my namesake’s post Joshua Fela

BIBLE NEWS: Episode 1

Good day Beautiful people!!! .. I am your host, ace reporter Justin Darrq reporting live from BW Network News Headquarters. I will be taking you through the wild and vivid world of Scriptoria. After months of study (approximately 6 plus) the #LA187 cruise ship is about to leave the coastal waters of the Old Testament and head for the sunny shores of the New Testament.

We will be bringing gems gleaned from the rich lands of the Mosaic covenant however and unveiling bit by bit the persona of JESUS CHRIST. I, Justin Darrq *you can call me JD* will like to share some of the juicy gossip various news details filtering in from all over bible land. Who said the bible isn’t fun? Probably the devil though. We should organize an interview with him soon.

Brothers at war!

News reaching us indicates that the nations of Israel and Edom have reached an impasse in this civil war which began in the cold viscera of Rebekah’s womb. It seems the bottleneck will be settled by a plate of delicious Jacobean beans served with dainty meats and the world famous Philistine peppery sauce (the same one Goliath ate before he lost his head). Stay tuned for more…

Hazard in Eden

Purportedly, famous Chelsea player Eden Hazard was spotted in his Bugatti driving about the tree of knowledge of good and evil. Apparently sources which we cannot disclose say that he was taking a time off from the intense training sessions at Stamford Bridge.

It wasn't my fault.
-____- I was never in Eden.

In other news related to the famous tourist resort oddly named after the player (we are currently liaising with the ‘International Organisation of Names’ ION to verify which came first – the garden or the football star), the music man a.k.a Mr. first among liars has managed to complete his coup d’état toppling the government of the first man and his lady Eve. Obviously he was no match for the Being with the Hidden Name and as such mustered his forces to attack the dust man. More details in the next episode.

Why always me?

Balding saint Job of the east was seen atop the dunghill golf course with his three buddies. The Chief Executive Officer of Hedge Enterprises was receptive to us and granted us access to his suite. We intend to use this to our advantage and create avenues for interviews with him and his family particularly his daughters.

In the short time we spent with him however we were opportuned to visit his vaults where we saw various artifacts from his trips around the world. Notable among these was his cloak which had the words “WHY ALWAYS ME?” sown on the back. To be continued.

The Stripper King!!!

It was a day of surprise and shock for the wife of newly crowned King David. The brazen young poet was spotted by adoring ladies dancing wholeheartedly over the return of the ark of covenant. The beat of the music was so intoxicating and his affection for the Lord so overwhelming that the citizenry was soon treated to a delightful sight of a king in nothing but his Paul Kish boxers.
Our onsite photographer was caught unawares and as such we don’t have pictures of this hilarious event. We apologize. More details to follow shortly.

Boxing Champion Paul Planter retires

I have fought the good fight. – Paul Planter

Heavyweight champion of the Gentile Tourney, Paul Planter, is retiring from the world of fights. After series of encounters, including the Rumble at Lystra where he reportedly returned from a fatal knockout to overcome, the famous fighter is hanging his gloves. It is expected that his protégé Timothy will pick up where he left off.

And that is the end of this episode .. -___-
Let us share some of Paul’s famous quotes

Fly like a butterfly, sting like apologies…

1. Put on the whole armour of God
2. We wrestle not against flesh and blood
3. Let’s pull down some strongholds, guys


Petroleum engineer? Yup. But I love writing as much as I love solving complex reservoir engineering problems. Watch out for poetry. Still trying to soar the heights of prose tho' Stay tuned dearies.

12 thoughts on “Bible News #1

  1. Lol… To think there was a bone of comedy in you… Awesome Plot!
    Eden Hazard… Lol..

    Ehen, thanks for the advert again but I have a better proposal. Anytime you’re sharing your posts; put my blog link instead of yours. Am I too greedy? Nah…


  2. Why did you have to wet our “fleshly” appetite with the TFC mention first? Hmmm, first grammar then some mathematics, now comedy….seasons and times of the maverick!


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