From the Inside Out

DisclaimerThese are not song reviews. They are articles birthed from hours meditating on the spiritual and scriptural truths contained in Hillsong Tracks. You will listen to the same tracks and get totally different interpretations but the beauty of it is that Christ is revealed. Click here to Enjoy other Tracks in the project

Track 13: From the Inside Out

(Lyrics of the song ” from the inside out)
A thousand times I’ve failed
Still Your mercy remains 
And should I stumble again
I’m caught in Your grace
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending Your glory goes beyond all fame

In my heart and my soul
Lord I give You control
Consume me from the inside out, 
Lord, let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love you from the inside out.

Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself
In bringing You praise
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart and my soul
Lord I give You control
Consume me from the inside out, 
Lord, let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love You from the inside out.

Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart
Is to bring You praise
From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out

In 
And the cry of my heart 
Is to bring You praise
From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out.

Everlasting Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart
Is to bring You praise
From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out

He tossed and turned, he threw away the bed covers, adjusted the pillows, he counted 1-100, yet nothing. He got up from the bed, switched on the lights and held his head in his hands. What do I do he asked quietly. He looked at the clock it was 1 am. He had gone to bed at 11 pm and two hours later sleep still eluded him. Since the incident happened he had been unable to sleep, now he was even scared to, the nightmares were terrible. In just one week he had grown lean and looked gaunt, his neck growing tall one would think it was competing with a giraffe’s. He was now a  shadow of himself.

When he found himself caught in an happy moment, it never lasted, the devil quickly whipped him with his fears, each lash causing his skin to tear. Alex knew he was in a tunnel.

Image

Here he was suffering for something that hadn’t even lasted 10 minutes , something that had happened on the spur of the moment, didn’t that count for something? The fact that he did it unknowingly, he hadn’t meant for it to happen.  He couldn’t even remember how it had happened. He only knew one minute he was looking at her, his heart thumping widely in his chest, his blood hot, he was lost in her gaze captivated by her eyes and then she reached out to him and he was lost.

It was one memory he wished he could erase from his mind forever but the images were in his mind, a stronghold, flashing before his eyes even in unexpected moments. 

“Oh Lord”

He held his head.

People did this all the time. He did it this once and now he felt like a murderer. He had prayed, begged God,repented yet he felt so far off. There was no way God was going to forgive him this he was sure. “He who defiles the temple of the holy spirit would be destroyed” right? His body has craved this and now that it had been satisfied, he felt like a stranger in his own skin.

Is this how David felt when he wrote “my sin haunts me day and night” because this was how he felt, like an haunted man and oh he was so sure God was going to punish him and that he dreaded. He shivered even though the room was hot. The crickets chirped noisily,in his mind he heard an owl, the tick tock of the clock whose rhythm he used to love, mixed with the sounds sounded eerie. Even nature was spooking him.

She had no regrets whatsoever and even taunted him. She was determined to add to his fears by calling him co precisely at those moments he temporarily forgot the incident to tell him she knew she would get pregnant. No, “I am not ready to be a father ” He sat on the bed side stool. This days even babies scared him. The other day at the bank, a woman had given him her baby to hold while she went out to get something. The baby smiled at him and he nearly froze as a voice told him “you may be carrying yours in. Some months time” then her voice “I may be pregnant” resounded in his ears over and over again . 

He was so sure she had some evil plans, no! I definitely will not marry her whether she gets pregnant or not. He had only met her two months ago and she had managed to ruin him. He shook his head, he couldn’t lay the whole blame at her feet. His lust had ruin him. I should have taken proverbs 7 more seriously he thought, I wouldn’t be in this situation. His whole life seemed to be crumbling down. He couldn’t forgive himself, he was certain God would not either. He had joined himself to someone he hardly knew, someone he wasn’t married to and now he could be a father soon.

Alex looked up. “I will give anything, anything, to turn back the hands of time. I am so sorry” he said holding his head as the tears came forth unbidden. His head throbbed whether from the crying or from the headache that was now his constant companion he did not know. “Come boldly to the throne of mercy” he heard. “I can’t , I am not worthy, I am a terrible sinner, I claim to love you yet did this terrible thing” he felt so soiled, ashamed, broken, and dejected. God would not forgive me he thought. I know I deserve your punishment, I know you will punish me but please make this nightmares go away he sobbed as he fell on his knees.

This piece is for a friend who is finding it difficult accepting the father’s forgiveness. He feels he cannot be so easily forgiven . He is standing still at the front of his father’s house afraid of going in to meet his father.

Yes we are born of God and we are dead to sin, but if we stumble we must never forget we have an advocate with the father.  

A thousand times I’ve failed
Still Your mercy remains 
AND SHOULD I STUMBLE AGAIN
I’M CAUGHT IN YOUR GRACE

A father who loves you, a father who gave all for you. Do not believe the lies of the devil that you cannot be forgiven, your sin is too great, you are hopeless and will fall again. They are meant to keep you from your father whose heart beats with nothing but love for you, forgiveness for your sins and grace to keep you.

“I have loved you with an everlasting love ” His love for you is everlasting, it cannot be broken, it does not change. It is not dependent on what you do but what Jesus did. Whatever you do, God doesn’t stop loving you. 

“and I have drawn you with my loving kindness”. Your father isn’t pushing you away, so don’t stand afar, come thither, he is waiting. I will fail him again you say? 

“Everlasting Your light will shine when all else fades” his light is his word and his word says ” now to him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you faultless before the presence of his glory with exceeding joy” 

“Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself
In bringing You praise
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending

Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart and my soul
Lord I give You control
Consume me from the inside out, 
Lord, let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love You from the inside out”

Look up friend(s) look! See your father running with arms open wide, his eyes shining like the sun, each of his steps taken with glee, love is written all over his face. Can you hear him shouting? He is saying My son! My son has come home. So stop standing afar, run into your father’s embrace, leave the baggages of sins behind , the fear of consequences and the terror of punishment. Don’t let them keep you away from him. Run , run to your father yield to him and let that song become your song! Run from the devil’s lies and from his grip. Will you run? 

 

– Written by @diadem07 (she blogs here -> diademstots.wordpress.com)

Petroleum engineer? Yup. But I love writing as much as I love solving complex reservoir engineering problems. Watch out for poetry. Still trying to soar the heights of prose tho' Stay tuned dearies.

6 thoughts on “From the Inside Out

  1. I love this! Reminds me of the song, ‘When God ran’ by Philp, Craig and Dean. It’s so touching! You really interpreted it well. I so love this. Keep it up!

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  2. God’s mercy endures 4 ever. He does nt expect us 2 be perfect only 2 strive 2 being perfect n wen we fail, we r 2 come b4 him 4 he s faithful n just 2 forgive us. nice piece of work n I hope we al learn 4rm it. I for one s a lover of hilsong music n my favorite track s Emmanuel

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  3. Hmmm. I learnt recently…….the heart which finds it difficult to accept forgiveness, is a heart full of pride. A heart that will rather “pay” for its sin that accept the simple gift of love. SELAH.

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    • truly.. that is something i must meditate on… why won’t i accept forgiveness? why won’t i forgive myself? am i too proud to see my own faults and failings? and to realise that i need help?
      thanks for reading and then commenting…

      Like

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